My Pregnancy Journey

I was pregnant after 3 months of my marriage but then I loss my first pregnancy at 8 week. Doctor said we had to wait for 3 months before we try again. But for me, healing wasn't an easy journey. I feel depressed. I started to feel frightened, I cried for no reason, I screamed and I did self harming, I got mad easily, even I was afraid to get up and go to toilet! I just wanted to sleep and cry. It was fearful to think of that day. I remember every second of that day: alone, frightened, and physically in pain. Until now I can remember those scenes clearly and it still brings me tears 😭

Going through all of this make me realize, It's part of being human to be down every once in a while. People who keep judging asked, why so sad and depressed? it's not a baby yet, it's just a fetus. Well my answer is, some people are just not good at dealing with emotion. It is hard for me and this pain is valid.g

After 3 months of waiting, my body was physically ready to get pregnant again but I'm still in sorrow. Thank god I have my dearest loving husband who always supporting and trying so hard to make me feel better. Even he offered to seek a professional help (and I always refused it 😅). We make memories together, spent our time with a lot of joyful experiences, we date everyday. Then on his birthday, I found out that I'm pregnant again! What a surprise! And here I'm pregnant with my rainbow baby, a baby after a loss.

For those who are facing any kind of grief: It's okay. Take your time to heal.